Of Love; Of Loss

Grief is something almost every individual has experienced in their life. Grief, as many people perceive it, is not only limited to or related to death. It, in totality, refers to a huge amount of sadness. Whether it’s losing a loved one to death, or losing a friend, or even letting go of a romantic relationship, grief is not something a lot of people come to terms with. To be able to look straight towards grief and ask it (grief) to move away and let you live your life is one of the many superpowers most humans have failed to adapt.

Talking about love and the many ways it manifests in, grief does not always come easy. Grief, I feel, goes beyond the five stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Grief is not knowing the last time is in fact the last time. Grief is asking for just one more day together. One more phone call. One more date. One more hug. Grief is based on the hope of adding these ‘one mores’ so that it equals a lifetime where you do not actually reach the point of letting go. But actually grieving comes along with the realization that there are no more ‘one mores.’ It is dealing with the pain of the void you have had since they left but grief is also getting up in the morning and forcing yourself to function normally. On good days, grief is your best friend. It will help you go through the day, make you realize that there’s always going to be more to life than just losing a romantic connection. But on days you need it the most, grief is going to pull you down as if an anchor has been tied to your shoe; and on such days, fighting grief is going to feel like fighting gravity – you cannot do it.

However, grieving is an essential part of healing from anything tragic that happens. But, healing is not linear. Phrases such as “you deserve better”, “it was for the best”, “move on, better things are coming,” only make sense when you are surrounded by ten people and there’s not a single moment that you spend alone. However, when the sun goes down and the night sets in, when the birds do not chirp anymore and Netflix is the only companion you have, grief sneakily creeps up on you and reminds you that sadness exists and you should feel all of it. Dealing with grief is like dealing with a very stubborn vegetable seller – you bargain for the right price but with enough pressure and convincing, you eventually give in. Which is why I said, healing does not have to be linear. It occurs when it has to, all you have to do is ask your grief to scooch over and make space for it. I do not think anyone ever really moves on from grief. I think they just move forward with it.

However, when grief enters, welcome it with open arms. Ask it to stay till you need to feel the emotion. Tell it to not make itself home, your mind is not an empty auditorium grief decides to echo in. However, when you’re ready, politely force grief out of your system. Thank it for making you feel the love, the hurt, the agony, the pain, and all the sleepless nights that were spent reminiscing letters from old lovers. But when grief is stepping out, tell yourself to believe that everything beautiful has a consequence. Tell yourself to not turn the dead and the lost into poetry only to keep them alive. Tell yourself to welcome love again, because when love arrives after years of heartache, it is going to seem different. “Love arrives exactly when it should. And, love leaves exactly when it must.” Maybe, Love will not wear the same clothes it did when you first met it. Instead, Love is going to have unkempt hair and a broader back. When Love enters, ask it to make itself home and welcome it, too, with open arms. But when Love leaves, close your eyes and feel the melodies of what Love once used to be like. When Love leaves, ask it to keep the door open.