“You see those girls drinking, their parents will be shamed for it in society, after all, girls from good families don’t do such things”.
I am a girl from a good family, and guilty as charge, I have not always done the right things as expected of me. But before getting into that, what comes to your mind when I say the term ‘acche ghar ki ladki’? To me it always meant a tamed, docile creature the families call their daughter. These women are told how only your husband has the right over your body; how he iss the only man after your father who can look after you and make you happy. A girl from a good family would be educated, but would not be allowed to voice her opinions in public if they are opposed to the family’s values. She would know, that after 9, the only place she should be, is her home. She knows that no matter what her preferences are, it is only her parents who can find a worthy husband for her. She would not smoke, drink or hang out with men her age, or a lot of men in general. She would dream of having a career, but would also be aware that she needs to chose her husband and her family over it. Last but not the least, her character and personality would define the family’s name in the society, after all, ‘beti ghar ki izzat hoti hai’.
By vakeel ki kalamUncategorized
GIRLS FROM GOOD FAMILIES
Why is it that when a woman does all these things, she’s considered ill-mannered and uncultured, and when a man does it all, he is considered cool? Why is she not allowed to have a drink after a long day at work with her friends, because she is exhausted. Why can’t she date men before she knows what she wants. Why does the husband get to work till midnight, to feed his family, and the wife called irresponsible for doing the same.
I have battled with these questions all my life. There never seems to be a right answer for it. My mother, the most lovely woman on earth that she is, has spent all her life taking care of our family. I’m afraid once we all go our different paths, she won’t have things to do to spend her days. But mind you, she’s the epitome of a girl from a good family. She married when was 17, raised kids and looked after us, never made too many friends, never hung out with anyone apart from the family, and only took vacations to spend time with her children.
I on the other hand, have done everything exactly opposite. And for that reason, if you ask a third party to choose between me and my mother, my mother will be the perfect Indian girl and I would probably be the westernized spoilt child whose parents didn’t show her the right direction.
But what if I don’t want to be that girl? What if I want to live my life on my own terms without the fear of judgement of the society and my family’s dignity? What if I want to be cool like my brother and not called out for it?
I like to believe I have been dealt a great hand by god, blessing me with the family that I have. They have pushed me to be myself every step of the way. They have made me the person I am today. However, it is also true that, to an extent, they have also stopped me from being a person I wanted to be. They have given me superior education, but they have also told me that I am someone else’s responsibility they are just looking after. They have made sure I fly high to my potential, but also told me that jobs that finish by 6 are the preferable ones for women. They know I have dated men in the past and continue to do so, but they have also written their terms for my husband to be only an upper caste respected Indian male. They have given me a happy and comfortable life, but they have also restricted my life in those walls. I love my parents and would probably do anything for them, but it is also true that for the past 22 years of my life, I have been taught to act a way that is acceptable in our society, because my parents are a part of it too.
This is not a hate letter, far from it, it is an apology of sorts. Apology to this society that I will not let them guide my life anymore. Apology to my younger self, for not believing in her dreams. Apology to all the girls who are accustomed to believe that bright, fair and lovely women, with abundance of patience, is the recipe for the perfect Indian bride. Apology to all married women that they had to give up on their career and dreams to support their husband and families. Apology to my parents, to not standing up to their expectations of a perfect girl. Apology to myself, for realizing my own worth so late. Apology to everyone because I will not pay heed to their opinions anymore. But most of all, apology to our ancestors, who thought that women in all generations will be rooted to their misogynistic norms. As we cut loose today, let’s move on to a life where my clothes, my career and my opinions do not give society the right to judge my character. After all, why should boys have all the fun?
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