Little things that matter..

It’s the littlest things in our life that matter the most—the littlest gestures by our loved ones that make us feel special. The little tinge of flavor added to our food makes it perfect. The little ways we learn to live and create our own world. It is these little things that make our lives whole. These little things have also helped patriarchy develop through ages and creep its way slowly into our lifestyles. It is so difficult to express, it is so difficult to write because they are normalised.  

The little thing where my mother and I serve food to my father and brother, even though we have all done our own separate hours of labour. The little thing where my mother is always the last one to eat in the family. The little thing that I am supposed to learn cooking and cleaning  to be a ‘good wife’ and ‘daughter in law’. The little thing where me not helping mother in her household chores reflects her failure in raising me. It is the little things where the news of me having a boyfriend worries my father, and the announcement of my brother’s girlfriend makes him proud. The little thing that when you go to religious places like mandir, mosques or gurudwaras, men can walk in with a minimalistic clothes, but women are supposed to cover their legs, hands and head. The little thing that it is essential my brother does exceptionally well in his career, and I am expected to do well enough for myself to devote myself to my family’s needs. The little thing that we are so used to living our lives under these rules, they do not feel wrong anymore. The little thing that even though gender bias has given me its own privileges, I would still prefer to be treated equal to any other male figure in my life. The little thing that my father is considered the head of our family and not both my parents. The little thing that we are all tired of fighting gender norms in our own little ways, so we just end up accepting them to lead a normal life. The little thing that most young women fighting for their rights in the society and their families give everything up only to make their marriage work. The little things that the birth of a boy is still considered an auspicious event. The little thing that the birth of a girl in most families means that the couple has to try again. The little thing that all women are scared of men in their families. The little thing that nothing really changes and life goes on. The little thing that even though belonging to a brahmin upper middle class liberal family, I am expected to behave a certain way like girls from ‘good families’ do. The little thing that I am tired of raising my voice in the house to make tiny little opinions heard, only to hear back that modernism has taken over me and ruined my cultural roots. 

The little thing that even after it all, we should continue to thrive. The little thing that together, we can create our own world with our own value systems. The little thing that I reject getting married only to settle in life. The little thing that it is going to take a long time till these little changes occur. The little thing that we must persist because together, one day, our little roles in this battle will make us whole.